Whomping the Willow
by albe-chan
Summary: Remus' promise to Sirius turns into a horrifying reality one day. Will the Womping Willow crush them to bits, or will they succeed at whomping the Willow? Basically SMUT. SLASH. MATURE. SEX. For Psycho Hippy and her lovely challenge. ONESHOT.


**Whomping the Willow**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for some sexual content, violence and language. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

_**WARNING:**_ WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male) and RIDONKULOUSNESS (yes). Ye be warned

**Author's Note: **a challenge issued, sort of, by Psycho Hippy (who is like REALLY UBER GOOD by the way) that I decided to try out. Here goes, and…yeah! Cheers.

PS. – This reminds me of my horrid day where I GOT DENIED to the Whomping Willows wrock show in my hometown. Boo-urns to the library who hosted it I say. BOO-URNS.

XXX

"Remus!" Sirius Black hissed to his second-best friend and boyfriend of almost three months.

"What?" Remus asked, his voice muffled by his pillow.

Sirius' hands trailed up Remus' shirtless back, followed closely by the hot breath from his mouth, and he kissed Remus' shoulder. "I want to ask you something."

Remus groaned as Sirius' hand slid back down his back, fingers light and teasing and arousing, not stopping at the sheet barrier, but dipping lower, down into the glorious cleft of buttocks. The amber-eyed boy arched delectably, and then rolled over onto his side to face his lover. "Go for it. As long as you promise to continue what you've started after you ask whatever you have to ask. 'Cause it's like three in the morning and I was sleeping."

Sirius grinned, leaning forward. His mouth brushed over Remus' collarbone and he murmured hotly into Remus' ear, "I want to know if you would have sex with me anywhere."

Remus rolled his eyes. "And this couldn't wait until morning?"

"Of course not."

Remus sighed. "Fine… Well I don't know. It depends what you have in that devilish mind of yours, but I don't think I could do it _anywhere_."

"What about someplace that makes you think bad thoughts? A place that reminds you of the full?"

The lycan's face went stony. "No, Sirius. I'm not fucking you in the Shrieking Shack." He made to turn over and go back to sleep, annoyed and a little hurt Sirius would even suggest such a thing, but the darker haired boy caught his arm.

"I didn't mean there Mooney. I wouldn't want to there. For one, you hate it there, and it would be horrible sex, and for another, it's not adventurous enough." Sirius gently caressed Remus' jaw. "I meant by the Whomping Willow."

Remus snorted, and jammed his face back into his pillow to smother the laughter that bubbled up inside him. "You're fucking crazy," he chortled to his boyfriend. "We'd be murdered."

"But say it was possible. Would you have sex with me against the Willow?"

"Why I would ever want to is the question."

Sirius looked at him as thought the answer to that was unavoidably clear. "So you have a happy memory on the full, when you have to go down there. So that the last thing you think about before you go into that hellhole is me, and us, and how great I am at pleasuring you." Remus giggled again, but kissed Sirius adoringly.

"In that case, if you found a way, then yes I would." Sirius gently laid him on his back and rolled on top of him.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Sirius grinned, and his mouth descended to engage Remus'. He'd had enough talking for one night. Time to finish up what he'd started.

XXX

"Remus, come here, I have to show you something outside!" Sirius called across the common room late the next afternoon.

Remus sighed, and glanced longingly at his homework. "Pads, I have a tonne of work to do and-"

"And you'll be able to do it after I show you what I have to show you," Sirius replied, and tugged Remus to the portrait hole. "It has to do with what we talked about last night," he added in a murmur.

Remus made to turn back to his homework, but Sirius had ushered him out of the portrait hole, and was frog-marching him away. He sighed and followed, hoping he would be alive to do his homework later.

When they got to the aging Whomping Willow, which looked deceptively calm from where they stood, Remus felt his stomach churn in apprehension. "Sirius, I really don't think this is the best idea…"

Sirius squeezed his hand gently. "Trust me Mooney. Besides, you promised."

"Yeah, when I thought you would be distracted by something else before you figured out a way to keep us from getting murdered. Not to mention I never really realized how _open_ it is here. What if someone saw us?" He bit his lip worriedly.

Sirius chuckled softly. "Ponce. And if anyone saw us, they'd spontaneously combust from how fucking hot we are when we shag." Remus gave him the 'This Isn't Really Funny' look and Sirius merely smiled winningly back. "Trust me," he repeated.

He watched as his boyfriend levitated a stick and pressed it to the knob to deactivate the violent tree, and hurried after Sirius until they were against the trunk of the tree. The bark was rough and smelled weird, something Remus had never really noticed.

"Scared?" Sirius asked, gently unbuttoning Remus' shirt.

"A bit. I mean, not at the moment, as the tree just had it's g-spot or whatever pushed, but once it goes back to normal, we might just _die_." Sirius kissed him, gently coaxing Remus' mouth open, and simultaneously distracting him from thinking of his impending death. The Animagus pressed him firmly into the bark, and Remus groaned into his mouth.

Hands hurriedly tugged at belts and pulled trousers down and ties were loosened. Fingers explored each other's naked chests, tracing their favourite patterns over flesh, and raked through each other's hair. Remus gasped as he felt Sirius' hands sliding into his underpants, cupping his erection.

"Fuck…" he gasped raggedly, panting as Sirius sucked at his neck. "That feels amazing."

Sirius smiled smugly. "And no one's even come by yet." He slid Remus' underpants down, and his hand gripped his cock firmly.

"At the moment I don't really care," Remus retorted, grabbing Sirius' jaw and kissing him possessively. Sirius thrust his hips forward, his hand trapped between the hot flesh of their phalluses as they ground themselves together.

There was a woody, plant-like groaning as the tree swayed slightly, coming back to itself. "Tell me what you want," Sirius growled, fisting his lover's cock now, and pushing Remus to the brink of incoherency.

"Fuck me!" Remus panted. "Christ and Merlin, Sirius, turn me around and fuck me senseless against this goddamn tree!" Sirius did as he was bidden, pulling his own erection free and rubbing it suggestively against Remus' backside, still gripping his lover's manhood. "Don't be a fucking tease," Remus growled.

Sirius bit lightly at his earlobe from behind. "But I know you _love_ it babe…" He pushed the head of his cock into Remus' willing entrance as the creaking of the Willow increased, and its branch-arms began flailing about dangerously.

"Yes!" Remus groaned as Sirius rolled his hips, and his cock slid in a few more delicious inches. His hands gripped at the rough, uneven bark of the trunk he was pressed against, and he could feel his skin chaffing slightly against it with his over-eagerness.

Sirius grunted, his control slipping as he rammed himself to the hilt into his lover, making Remus gasp and curse wildly. The Willow creaked madly as it swayed angrily, realizing there were people near it, touching it, fornicating against it, but it could do nothing to stop them.

Remus moaned as Sirius buried himself to the hilt, his hand feverishly pumping his cock. "You want to come baby?' Sirius ground out through clenched teeth as he slid almost entirely out of the dizzy, intoxicating warmth of Remus' arse and then plunged back in.

The lycanthrope was beyond speaking, and merely moaned louder. Sirius let his inhibitions go as the Willow, now in a raging fury, tried in vain to destroy them. He pounded in and out of Remus, gripping his hip with one hand and his cock with the other. His own erection dragged over Remus' prostate again and again, and he felt the passion coiling and rising in his belly.

"I'm…I'm come…coming! AH!!" Remus tensed for myriad seconds it seemed, his seed bursting forth and marking the tree that represented so much pain in his life. Then he sagged forward, into the reassuring support of the angry tree as Sirius lost himself to his own pleasure, and deposited his seed in his boyfriend's backside.

Remus' tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth when he finally opened his eyes. "That was…" he began, but merely shook his head, unable to find a suitable adjective. Sirius smirked as he pulled up his trousers.

When they were both re-dressed and had finger-combed their tousled hair, Sirius froze the tree again by jabbing it mercilessly in the little knot with his shoe.

They strolled, hand in hand, back up to the common room, where Remus was no longer really in the mood for homework.

"What did Sirius show you?" Peter asked as they flopped lazily onto one of the common room couches by the ever-present fire.

Remus grinned up at his boyfriend, who wore a satisfied smirk of his own still.

"Yeah," James added. "You two just kind of…ran away."

"Oh, it was nothing really," said Remus, snuggling up to Padfoot. James and Peter looked unconvinced.

"Well I wouldn't say nothing, but we were just whomping the Willow," Sirius said.

"The Whomping Willow?" James asked, looking confused.

Sirius nodded. "We whomped it. And it was lovely."

XXX

**Author's Note: **wow, it's been awhile since I've done a one-shot in a day…YAY ME!! Any hoot, please review and tell me if you thought this was decent… I'm not entirely convinced on it myself… Ehh. Cheers!


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